Message Summary
If someone asked you to define marriage what would it include? I expect that most of us would mention something about love between a man and a woman. Your definition may include a statement about how it is reserved for only a man and a woman, in response to the recent gay marriage debate. But how many of you would mention anything about the gospel? We don’t often think that the gospel has much to do with marriage, but a quick search of the Scripture reveals that marriage and the gospel are so interconnected that you really can’t speak of a Christian marriage without reflecting on the gospel.
1 John 4:19 says that we love God only because he first loved us. Paul writes in Romans 5:6–11 that God loved us when we were unlovable, “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (v. 8). What does this have to do with marriage? Ephesians 5:22–33 describes Christian marriage as a reflection of Christ’s and his church. We find in these verses that husbands are to love their own wife like “Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (v. 25). This is the gospel, and Christian marriage is to reflect it. Our discussion today addresses several passages of Scripture that speak to marriage and how our love reflects the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Passages for Discussion
The following set of passages and questions are all related to Proverbs and Luke:
Proverbs 2:16–17 So you will be delivered from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words, who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God.
1. How is marriage defined according to v. 17? Hint: covenant is paralleled with the companion of her youth.
2. How do you define a covenant? Is it the same as a contract? Is marriage a covenant between you and God or between a man and a woman?
3. What other biblical covenants are you aware of? Sinai, Davidic, New Covenant.
4. How does the New Covenant (i.e. the gospel) come to bear upon the covenant of marriage?
Proverbs 12:4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.
Proverbs 14:1 The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.
1. What is the writer of Proverbs saying to us about a wife’s value?
2. Ladies, what are some practical ways you can apply these verses?
Proverbs 5:18–19 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lively deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.
1. What words does the writer use to describe a husband’s pleasure with his wife?
2. How often is the husband to be intoxicated in his wife’s love?
Proverbs 14:26 In the fear of the LORD one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge.
1. What theme of Proverbs is central to a godly husband?
2. According to this verse, what is the result?
3. Gentlemen, what are some practical ways you can apply Prov 5:18–19 and 14:26?
Luke 6:27–36 But I say to your who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you…
If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same…But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
1. What is this passage about? Hint: godly love.
2. How is love expressed in this passage? Is it a feeling or action?
3. How does one benefit when expressing love toward others?
4. Godly love is characteristic of all gospel transformed people. What are these people called in v. 35?
5. How is gospel love expressed in v. 35? What kinds of words apply to this kind of love? Hint: sacrificial, humble, etc.
6. Can you explain how God’s love (gospel love) should bear upon our love for our spouses? What might this look like? Think of practical example.
Application
Today’s study has focused on marital love, which in a word is gospel love. The measure of our love for our spouses and anyone else is not determined by what they can do for us. In fact, if we merely love for it to be reciprocated, we do not benefit (cf. Luke 6:33, 34). We benefit when we love expecting nothing in return. We love for another’s benefit, for their good. When we love like this, we love like Christ, “who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20).
The following are a few practical ways we can cultivate and express gospel godly love for others:
1. Read the Gospels to see how great the grace of God toward you is. Understanding the gospel is important, but it is insufficient on its own. The gospel has to get down deep into your soul. It must not only affect the head but the heart too. Only then will you begin to love sacrificially for the good of others.
2. Talk to your spouse. Find out what makes them tick. Discover what gives them joy. Look for ways to express your love for them in tangible ways. This may be as simple as: opening the car door for her; washing the dishes; taking out the trash; watching the kids while she gets a chance to relax or hang out with friends; reading the Bible and praying together.
Further Study
For more on biblical marriage you could read:
1. Genesis 1:27–28; 2:18–25; 3:1–24 [esp. vv. 16–19]; Ephesians 5:1–33 [esp. vv. 21–33]; Colossians 3:1–25 [esp. vv. 18–20]; 1 Peter 3:1–22 [esp. vv. 1–7].
2. John Piper, This Momentary Marriage—a practical and easy to understand study on biblical marriage. Would be great to do with one’s spouse.
3. John Piper and Wayne Grudem, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: A Response to Evangelical Feminism—an academic study of marriage and related gender issues. You can download both books for free at http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/OnlineBooks/ByTitle/.
